Friday, May 30, 2008
music -- when i'm with you by faber drive
if you're observant enough , you'll notice that i upate my blog once a month . but today i'm gonna break my routine , haha by one day before it turns a new month =D
i know there's some things i gotta "release" and let the rest of the people know before everything gets too late for each individual to realise towards their loved ones . for i know that , it may already come quite late for me )':
http://girlindisguise.blogspot.com/2008_02_01_archive.html - my sister's post in feb...
however i don't live in hostel , i have every opportunity to be at home every single day to accompany her . i let those chances slip by . each day when i wake up , i'd leave home in a hurry and by the time i reached home it's already past midnight . the moments spent with her was so little , i know we badly need a conversation and sometimes she just wanna know what's going on in my life . from the past till now , each night as i recall and think about her , i can't help but i just couldn't stop my tears from flowing . i fear that one day her presence won't be with me and what's worse is that i do not have any idea about how to share the gospel to her . i feel like a failure . i didn't even fulfil my responsibility as a grandchild , even the world know what it means to keep someone company . i regret . damn regret .
i remember the very first time i raised my voice at her . just because she got my sister some free koko krunch toy that is cuter than what she got for me . in fact she got the toy for me first , i should be grateful .
i remember the times i taught her english . my sis and i couldn't help but to laugh at her poor pronounciation . yea... those were the days we had fun................
i remember i used to shit at those container shaped toilet bowl for kids and i spilt mine on the floor and she had to clear it up . i felt so guilty .
i remember her giving us money to go her house void deck to buy useless sailormoon cards
i remember forcing her to play catching with me after kindergarden and i remember that i felt embarassed when other kids can go home themselves so i asked her to wait for me at somewhere further
i remember how much she love and care for me up till today , even if she's lying on that hospital bed
everything change
it's no longer the same , people grow , people age , people have time limit
if only time could pass slower now , if only i have more time for her , if only i can really turn back time . but for now i wanna tell her that i love her , that she actually mean so much to me and is not a burden to my family and i . i'll not take her for granted ever again .
it's so amusing that now when i wake up or go home in the afternoon , i have the tendency to go to the kitchen to find her , i'm just so used to it . i really miss her alot . and it pains me to see all the tubes injecting into her body .
-- it took me forever to type this post with alot of grammar error , wrong usage of words and phrasing or whatsoever , pardon me for my poor english , i had to use alot of tissues and it's distracting me . don't think i manage to get the exact essence of what i am feeling now through this post but i harbour lots of courage .
)': pray with me , please...
Labels: i pray you'll be okei
9:46 AM
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
music -- tongue tiedand if you worship the slain gods
you'd better clean up your filthy vessels
faber , my drive =D
10:19 AM
